Mommy

Losing yourself to ‘Mommy’

One of the most monumental changes in your life is when you become ‘Mommy’.  I don’t think I’m the first woman to feel that by birthing two gorgeous babies I lost a part of myself, and I certainly do not begrudge the fact that I had children.

Your world is literally upended when you give birth.  Whether or not you’ve had major abdominal surgery  or been in labour for 48 hours, in order to birth said baby, your number one concern becomes this little person who is 100% dependent on you for survival.  Fast forward to 5 years and not much has changed. As a Mom I automatically put the needs of my children, and husband above my own. The need to love, protect and cater to their needs is of the utmost importance to me.  Need to do to my hair! That can wait, the kids need new shoes. Would love some new clothes! Soph needs to start swimming lessons and Oli has weekly Speech Therapy. And so it goes.  Often I’ll get to the end of the year and think gosh, did I get or do anything purely for myself this year?

Meme
Who can relate?

 

Body. This body has grown two beautiful children, has battled two monstrous pregnancies, been cut open and stitched back together twice, and been abused by a lack of exercise and bad diet. This year I’ve decided to dedicate more time to myself.  I’m going to let the kids spend an extra hour at school and spend that time on myself and my body at the gym. I need to invest in myself and my wellbeing, something that fell by the wayside when I dedicated myself to two little beings. The kids love school, by spending a hour at the gym I’m not in any way taking anything away from them, in fact, I’m giving them a stronger, more confident and more physically fit version of myself to call their Mom. I’ll have more energy to run around with them and push Soph for hours on the swing.

Gym
Hello Gym, My Old Friend!

 

Read. Something I did before I had kids that I literally haven’t done in years, is read.  I’d happily devour at least a book a week – my bookshelf pays testament to that – now, I have books I got for Christmas 2016 that are collecting dust.  I find after a day at work, being with the kids, cooking and blogging that I find myself reaching for the TV remote and watching some mindless show.  That’s going to change. I’m going to enrich my mind, escape to far off countries, live vicariously through others and come back as a more well-rounded and well-read Mommy.

Husband. How many of you call your husband/partner “Daddy” at times (be honest!)? I’m guilty of it. When exactly did ‘my love’/’babe’ become “Daddy?”.  I’ll tell you – somewhere between the poopy nappies, 3am feeds and school runs.  It’s a natural oversight, but one I want to correct.  I don’t feel like I lost some of my previous relationship with my husband, becoming parents solidified our relationship if anything, but I sure felt the shift. Who knows, maybe in 2018 we can also take a few days to ourselves and take our first holiday without the kids? A happy marriage equals happy children.

Friends.  We all know how it goes, they’re often the first to take the backseat with your promotion to ‘Mommy’.  Even more so the friends who don’t have kids.  While I’m happiest at home with my husband and kids, I do need to make more time for the amazing friends in my life, to catch up over a coffee or lunch and over the phone for those precious people across the country.

Friends
Friends are the family we choose

 

Sleep. Oh how I miss those days of 8 hours, uninterrupted, blissful sleep. Saturday afternoon naps are thing of the past, but, even after a restless night’s sleep, when I wake up early to that find both the kids are in the bed with us, limbs flung all over, making a lie-in virtually impossible, I remember that these little bodies are mine, and I’m their Mommy.

I asked a few of my fabulous blogger friends their opinions of this – here’s what they had to say:

Nicola 3

Jacqui

As mothers, we’re all juggling the demands of a home. We’re trying to nurture our marriages or relationships while trying to raise our children, but we can’t forget about ourselves, and that we were someone with our own identity long before we saw those two little lines appear on the pregnancy test. Even if it’s small steps, schedule a couple of hours to yourself every week to do something purely for you, your family will thank you later.  Set yourselves goals. What do you want to accomplish for you, no matter how small and menial it may be. I am not ‘lost’, I am refocusing on me.

Me and kids 1

Not for one second will I hesitate in saying that being a mother isn’t the best thing in the world but I’m going to gain back now, not what the kids made me lose, but what I didn’t prioritise, and this is the time!

You can follow  Nicola from Peanut Gallery 24/7 here , and Jacqui from One Messy Mama here!

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41 thoughts on “Losing yourself to ‘Mommy’”

  1. I absolutely love this. I too am so wrapped up in being mom that I forget who Vee is even the husband daddy thing (vee covers her face). Thanks for this – definitely need a reminder, and a kick up the butt to actually do something about it! xx

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  2. Certainly something I and I am certain many other moms relate to as well. I’m glad to note that I still call hubby “babe” – but now my almost 18 old month son, Kayden, also calls dad “babe” sometimes…it’s just so cute when he does!!

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this topic – it certainly helps to know that you’re not alone on such things

    Wish you all the best for the positive changes you aim for 🙂

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  3. Love this! There is never a dull moment is there! Uninterrupted sleep ?? I don’t think I have had any of that in over 7 years 🙂 Thank you for highlighting this topic and allowing me to take part in your post! Best wishes for 2018! xxx

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  4. A few times last year I told myself to at least take one day off in a month to spend it on me; I mostly went to workshops beneficial to me or a networking session which energised me. I love going to a blogger meet up as an excuse for me time. I do too little of this though.

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  5. Love how you put it at the end – our kids haven’t taken anything away from who we are, we’ve simply failed to take care of ourselves. I think most moms have allowed this to happen, and this post is a nice reminder to do something about it. 🙂 #GlobalBlogging

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  6. I think having kids, we often forget that we also need to live and make time for ourselves. We sacrifice so much for our kids and neglect our own well-being and needs. Parenting has been the best thing that happened to my husband and I, but when our kids were younger we placed so much focus on them that we forgot that we had to make time for each other and ourselves. Now that our kids are bigger, that obviously changed. We have “me-times” and date nights, which is worth it.#Globalblogging

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  7. I love to read, I usually try and squeeze a few pages or a chapter a night. Then when I need to go away for work I take more books than clothes and try and power read haha. I hope you can find time for it again. What’s your favourite genre?

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      1. I usually read something non-fiction like a business, personal finance, personal development type thing. People like Tim Ferris or Ben Angell. But when I read fiction my favourite is Tolkien, I love how organic his stories are because he creates all of the details separately and then the stories emerge.

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  8. Very easy to relate to. As we work towards making our decision on having more kids, or not, I’m working towards getting my body back in shape! I’ve become extremely weak in the last 2 years!

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  9. Us dads can relate to a lot of that too. I mean, not the giving birth bit… but the other stuff! Good idea to try and make time for each other in 2018 #globalblogging

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  10. I recently started to put my foot down and carve some time out for myself. One of my goals for this year to read. I only finished a handful of books in the past two years. Since setting this goal in January, I already finished a book and I loved to have my reading time back! #globalbloggung

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  11. It’s really important to take time for yourself, and it puts you in a better mood for your family as a result. Really good point about calling the SO ‘Daddy’, I think I might work on going back to ‘Darling’. And reading also a good one. Last year I joined a Preschool Parents bookgroup where we meet in a children’s library once a month, let the kids play and discuss a book we have all tried to read. Rediscovering Reading has been so good for my mental health and relaxation and remembering who I was, as well as learning new things and discovering new worlds. But our wonderful group leader (@MumMeBooks) also emphasises how important it is for our kids to see us read, as studies show children are less likely to read past learning age if they don’t see their role models do it. I try to read in the daytime at least once a week with my two-Year-Old while she looks at her books. #GlobalBlogging

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  12. who can relate? ME! So very true, I feel it has gotten a little better now they are getting a little older, but yes it is hard to put ourselves first and yet we need to do so otherwise we burn out. #Globalblogging

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  13. Love this. I have a post very similar where I reflect on who I was before becoming “Mom” – and how I’m trying to get back to some of that. I think it’s very important to stay true to yourself. So good for you – best of luck getting back to a few of those pre-Mom things you used to do more of!
    ~Jess
    #GlobalBlogging

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  14. Hi visiting from #globalblogging. I remember these days and these feelings well. What is new to me, though, is being where I am, rounding the curve of motherhood now that my kids are more independent at 14 and 11 and seeing college in the future (sniff!) as I enjoy more reading time. I’m getting me time back, but I don’t necessarily want it as I wish to soak up the time that’s going too fast with my kids who are growing up!

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  15. I used to put my own needs aside for my kids as well. I think its a natural thing to do when we become parents. Our maternal instincts just take over. However, as my kids have gotten older I have been able to do more things for myself like hiking, reading, taking a long drive by myself, and just spending time getting to know myself better. I think that’s also necessary for us as parents to remember to do so that we don’t get too stressed out. A happy mom produces happy kids:) #globalblogging

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  16. Its a hard task remembering who you are after having a baby and then regaining that person once they get older. My kids are grown now and I have finally regained a sense of me again, although you are forever changed (for the better). #blogginglobal

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  17. I had myself a bit of a midlife mum crisis last year. With 3 teens getting older by the second and even the ‘little one’s coming up to 10 I was feeling all odd about who I was when I wasn’t mum. I’ve had quite good fun getting back into doing things that I enjoy and trying to figure how who this ‘me’ person is!! #globalblogging

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